Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
