It's Friday. Sex?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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