I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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