Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.