That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
