I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....