Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires