they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.