Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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