Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
