hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
