my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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