just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
