Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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