dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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