Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
