____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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