Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
