The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
