just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
