I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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