My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Congratulations! We have a period
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
