so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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