you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
