Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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