I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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