are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
