My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
