Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
