I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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