Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Found the puke drawer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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