I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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