the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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