I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
