i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
