I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
