Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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