Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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