Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
