Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
