So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I faked an abortion last night.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
