you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
