If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
