That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
