my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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