hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
