the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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