Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
