Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
