I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
