Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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