yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
