My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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