I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's blow job season.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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