how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
