carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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