I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
