he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
