Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
