I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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