No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
