We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
