"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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