i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
