It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
