I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
