party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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