you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
