singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
