If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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