A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize