your thong is hanging out like whoa
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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