FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
