nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
