ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
