Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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