Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
