I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
