you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
