That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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