thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
